
On Monday I went for another OB appointment. I get so excited about these appointments because I almost feel closer to the baby when I go. I had no idea how close I would really feel to the baby when I went in last Monday. It started out normal, I went pee in my cup, they weighed me (only 1lb so far, yaaa!), and took my blood pressure and then I waited in the room for my doctor to come in. I had Jackson with me and he was being very good, watching Elmo on a little DVD player and eating some pretzels so I didn't mind about the 20 min wait in the exam room. (Except that I hadn't eaten lunch yet, so my tummy was growling.) The doctor finally came in and asked me some questions, then I asked a few of my own. It is really surprising how much you forget the second time around! Then I laid back so she could put the little monitor that lets you hear the baby's heart rate on my belly. She put the jelly on (which I love that they warm up) and then looked for the baby's heart rate....NOTHING....a few seconds later.....NOTHING....and even a few more seconds......NOTHING. The doctor put down her monitor and told me that she was unable to find the baby's heart beat. I immediately started to cry. She then said that we needed to do an ultrasound to see if we could find it there and to find out if there was something wrong. I sat up and got my stuff together as Jackson and I went to another room. Then I endured the longest wait of my life. I sat in the ultrasound room for another 20 minuets, which felt like days. I just sat and cried the thought that the little parasite that I had grown so attached to would no longer be inside me was just too much to handle. Jackson continued to watch Elmo happily as I cried. ( I have never been so thankful for that little red furry monster as I was at that moment.) The doctor finally came in and had me lay down again. I held my breath, she put the gel on (this time it wasn't warm, I was sure that was a bad sign) and the ultrasound clicked on. There the baby was moving around like a little jumping bean, and the heart beat was strong at 158. The tears began to flow again. I was so thankful, in that moment it was just me and my little baby, my little strong baby. As we left I was then struck by my Heavenly Father's love. I was not alone in that room, he was right there with me and he knew what I needed and he let me feel his love. Here is a picture of out little jumping bean with a strong little heart beat.