Random Thoughts on Motherhood

Today as I was getting my son dressed and he told me I couldn't put on his socks because they didn't match? Huh? Blue socks do match blue jeans! I guess I have been watching too much Project Runway.

My only saving grace during the day is going to the gym. The best is when I can do kickboxing, it helps me get out all my "mommy aggression". I work even harder during class if my son smacks my butt as I am bending over getting dressed for the gym and says, "you got a big bum mommy." Thanks son. JAB, CROSS, HOOK, UPPERCUT!!!

I have perfected the evil eye. As I am out in public and my children are throwing a fit, I can feel the frustration building. First my children get the evil eye, then I branch out. I look around and just dare anyone to say something, or give me the, "can't that lady control her kids" look. Just do it, do it...I dare you!

The other day at CVS I was paying for my things and sorting through my coupons (ie. ignoring my two year old). Just as I am about to swipe my card I look around and my son had found the largest bag of Skittles (which by the way I did not have a coupon for) and was proceeding to eat the sugary candy by the handful. Ahhhh!!!! Grrrrr!!! I quickly grab him, hand the Skittles to the cashier ( I guess I have to buy them now) and say to Jackson, "I may have to buy them but don't think that you are going to eat them!" Not a moment later the lady next to me says, "yeah-that's how it's done mommy! Way to parent!" Are you kidding me? Thanks that is just what I needed your stamp of approval. Anyway...little does she know that I am sure the Skittles will make another appearance later this week in some kind of bribing moment.

I have realized that my standards for cleanliness and hygiene have reached an all time low. If the average person gets food on their shirt they would probably change it. Not me! I am just happy that it is not spit up or poop, which I would probably just wipe off with a damp cloth anyway.

Last week we went to dinner as a family. As we were sitting at the table Duke started fussing because he was hungry. I put on my UdderCover and proceeded to breastfeed my child. Yes, it was at the table, but I was covered up and hey I wanted to eat too. I started to get a few looks. Are you kidding me? This is going to be my only hot dinner this week, I am not going to the car or to the bathroom I am going to sit right here and eat my glorious hot pizza. I then asked Josh what he would say if they came over and told us that I couldn't breastfeed there. He just said that he would say, "Okay, but I'm not paying", and walk out. For a second I was proud that my husband would stick up for me and then I seriously considered flashing some boob to get a free meal.

The only place in the house that should not have pictures of your kids in it...the bathroom. When you have to lock yourself in there to have a two minute conversation with your girlfriend and you can hear then banging on the door, the last thing you want to see is their face.

Finally, I don't know if old women just lie or are senile but it doesn't "get easier" the medication just gets better!

Letters to the Boys

The day before I gave birth to Jackson I wrote him a letter. I wanted him to know how much I loved him before I had even seen him. It was a tradition that I wanted to do with all my kids. I was going to write my letter to Duke a week before I was due, but Duke wanted to come early. So, I was unable to write my letter to him then, so I wanted to write it now so he had a letter like his brother. Below is my letter to Jackson that I wrote two years ago and my letter to Duke.

Jackson,
Well, I have been carrying you in my belly for almost 9 months now. What a roller coaster it has been! I remember the day I found out I was going to be a mom. I took a pregnancy test hoping it would tell me what I wanted to know. I had to wait 2 minuets for the results (it felt like forever). Then I saw it, two pink lines! You were inside me. I ran outside to tell your dad, waving the test in the air. Your dad was shocked. He couldn't believe that it happened so fast. To tell you the truth I was surprised myself. We were so excited to tell our family about our little bundle of joy. A few weeks later I started to get sick. Really sick. I was told that this is just what happened when someone is pregnant. I am surprised you grew so well when all I ate was saltines and PowerAde. Luckily three months later I started feeling a lot better and soon I began to grow a little belly. As you grew, I grew, and now I am huge! You are such a big, strong boy. You kick me so hard sometimes that I jump, even when I am sleeping. Your favorite time to kick me is at about 6 o'clock in the morning. It is such a blessing to feel you move and grow inside me. Soon you will be out of my belly and there are a few things that I want you to know.
First, your father and I love you very much. We can't wait to see you grow and become the wonderful man we know you can be. Watch your Dad closely he is an amazing man. He will teach you how to work hard and be honest. He will be an example of how you should love the Lord, and your family, and serve them always. Please know that I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and I hope and pray that you will always stay close to him. I know that life is hard sometimes, but know that Heavenly Father is always there for you, all you have to do is ask. Your father and I are also here, you can tell us anything. We will try our best to be good parents and give you everything that you need. We are not perfect (actually far from it) but we will try our best. Jackson, please follow your dreams. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough or that you can't achieve something. Follow your heart, trust in the Lord, and always remember I love you.
Mommy

Duke,
My little love bug, you are so special. I think that you were just so excited to come to earth and start your journey that you came three weeks early. What a blessing you have been to our family. You are such a happy baby with so much love! I love to stare at you while you are eating, you are just so beautiful. When you came out and struggled with the jaundice and the weight gain all I could do was hold you close to me and cry. But you were strong, you stood your ground and you were determined to make it. You love to be held and as your daddy says, "You only have eyes for your mommy." You are always looking around exploring all that is around you. Always keep that curiosity, and thirst for knowledge. Follow the example of your daddy and gain all the knowledge that you can. Work hard in school and at work so you can feel productive and successful. I can already tell that you love your brother. You love to watch him play and talk. I hope that you will be close to him, he loves you very much and is always concerned about where you are and if you are okay. If mommy is ever not paying attention Jackson will let mommy know what you need. He will be a good friend to you. Duke, we wanted to give you a strong middle name like your brother. Your dad and I tried to think of someone we loved and wanted you to be like. That is why your middle name is James after your papa T. He is a strong, humble man. He is fun to be around and always shows love for others. (He isn't too good at UNO, but we will just have to hope that you have daddy's skills.) Stay close to your papa and learn all you can from him. He has made you daddy the man he is and I would be honored to have you be just like them. Read your scriptures, and say your prayers and the spirit will be with you when mommy and daddy can't be. I am so glad that you are mine for all eternity.
I love you.
Mommy

The Incredible Family

Here we are at trunk or treat. Jackson kept saying that he didn't want to go to church as we were pulling up to the church. We thought he would stop saying it once he realized that we were doing something fun. No. The first half of the evening Jackson trick or treated and kept saying, "I don't want to go to church." It really was not my proudest parenting moment. About half way through the evening he finally stopped saying that and got excited about the candy. Jackson also did the cake walk and won a cupcake with a pound of frosting on it. Below is what he looked like after he ate it.
Isn't my Mr. Incredible handsome!?!

It was so nice to dress up as a family. We had a really good time. I love my little family. I have to say that there is nothing better than spending some quality time together.

The Accident

This morning started just like any other morning. I got the kids dressed and ready to go. Both kids were put in their car seats, one with a Pop Tart the other with a binky and off we went to the gym. I drove down Cactus as I always do to get to the 51 freeway. As I came to 52nd street I see a man with a HUGE dog walking beside the road. I thought to my self, "why isn't that dog on a leash this close to the street". And then it happened...the dog darted out in to the road. I slammed on my breaks and turned the wheel as hard as I could. It didn't work. As I swerved I lost control of the car did a 180 and stopped in the middle of on coming traffic. About a second later I look over my shoulder and see a car coming. It was too late. The car hit us going about 50 mph. Luckily, my door took most of the impact. My head hit the glass and the car spun a little more. At that second all I could think about was my babies. I kept pleading with God to please let them be okay. I looked in to the back seat and Jackson had not even dropped his Pop Tart and Duke was playing with his toys. I sat there holding my head in pain and sobbing. As I looked over to the other side of the street I could see the man whose dog I had hit. I don't think I will ever forget it. He went in to the street and picked up his motionless dog and looked at me and kept saying to me, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He then turned and walked away. Soon the police and the fire department came. We were all checked out and besides the bruises on me, everyone was fine. Josh showed up a few molments after that. I had never been so happy to see him! It is strange how someone can bring so much comfort in a time of so much sadness. He is my knight! As soon as I got home I went to my room to pray and thank God for protecting my little family. It could have been so much worse. The strangest part about all this is that I can't get that man's face out of my head. He looked so sincerely sorry and I had just killed his dog. My head tells me that I should be so mad at him for not putting his dog on a leash, and for almost killing me and my kids and then leaving the accident...but all I feel is sadness for him and his loss. Just thinking about it again makes me cry. What a day, and it started just like any other morning.

Duke Smiling

Reading To The Boys

New Job

As if I don't have enough to do already I have decided to take on something else. A month ago I went to interview to teach aerobics at LA Fitness. When I was auditioning I was asked if I have had any management experience. (Some of you may remember my glory days as a manager at The Gap and Aeropostale.) I was then asked if I would consider being the group fitness coordinator for a gym here in Arizona. I thought about it for about a half a second and said, "YES!" Since then I have been going through the interviewing process and teaching classes to prove that I actually knew my stuff...and today it became official. I am the new activities and group fitness coordinator for LA Fitness at the Moon Valley location. I am very excited about this new opportunity. I like to stay busy and always have something to do and I think this will fill my plate. I truly believe that Heavenly Father never closes one door with out opening another. Our family has been so blessed to always have what we need and, more than offten, what we want. This job will open a lot of doors for me in the fitness industry and keep me busy as my kids start school. (Not to mention help me keep off all the baby weight from all these kids!)

Mommy Hours

Before I had children I would hear my friends and family talk about how they stayed up late because that was the only time they could get stuff done with out the kids around. I always thought that was just crazy and when I was a mother I would be able to get all my stuff done during the day so I could sleep at night. Fast forward to two kids later...and well I have changed my tune.
On Sunday the new coupons for the week came out so Monday I got up and got ready to cut my coupons. There we so many good deals I had a TON of coupons to cut. I sat in the office at the computer and cut all the coupons while Jackson watched TV. Sometime while he was watching Jimmy Neutron (his new favorite show) he got hungry and pulled down a box of cinnamon toast crunch. He "poured" him self a bowl where he poured the entire box in the bowl and all over the floor and then, because he couldn't open the fridge, he took my workout water bottle and poured water on it to make cereal. While all this was happening I was in coupon heaven and did not notice until my son came in covered from head to toe in cinnamon and sugar! Then of course I had to clean it up so I got out the vacuum but Duke wanted to be breast feed. So, here is the picture it is 11:00 we are all in our pajamas, Jackson (and the floor) is covered in sugar, there are coupons everywhere and I have one boob out breast feeding as I am vacuuming with the other arm. So what did I learn from all this? My friends and family really knew what they were talking about. I will now cut my coupons at 11:00pm.

Maybe its not so bad being poor..

If you remember a few posts ago I said that we are now poor due to me deciding to stay home now. To help out with the budget we decided that I would start clipping coupons through a program called Coupon Sense. My first day on the program I made a killing! Above is a picture of all the things I bought. I got 6 boxes of diapers, 4 pen packs, 4 candy bars, 2 cookie mixes, 2 fruit snack boxes, 2 Glade candles, 2 Air wick automatic sprayers, and 1 razor with refills. The grand total (including tax) was....drum roll please....$5.57! I was so excited the wipes alone would normally be five dollars. My total savings was $82.59! Many of you know my husband and know what a cheap skate...ahhh, I mean "saver" he is and he couldn't wipe the smile off his face for five minute ts. I was glad I could make him so proud. Maybe it is not so bad being poor.

New Bath Photos for Dad

About a week ago when I finally updated my blog. (The life of a stay at home mom is very busy.) My dad commented on how old the photos of Duke were because he still had his umbilical cord attached. (I had been found out, that I am terrible at taking photos.) I told Josh and he agreed that I need to be better about documenting the events in our children's lives. Soooo, this one is for you dad I took them just the other day. Enjoy!

Camping

A few weeks ago we went camping up north. Josh's parents brought their fifth wheel, and let me tell you that is the way to camp. It was great to be able to sleep in a bed, take a shower, cook on a stove and go pee in a toilet! We had a great time. Jackson loved playing the dirt and being able to run around and explore the forest.

Here is a picture of him after he finished playing in the dirt one day.
Duke and I after we hiked down to the lake to go fishing. As a little side note, Duke has started pooping just once a week and when he poops it is a landslide. It just so happened that it had been a week since he had pooped. We got to the bottom of the hike by the water and...landslide! All the way up his back and all over his clothes. Nancy helped me clean him up and washed his clothes in the lake. The fish loved their little treat!
The family relaxing by the lake.
Jackson was sooo cute here. He kept walking up the trail and telling us while he waved his hands that he just had to leave because he had somewhere that he needed to be.
Paca playing in the lake.

"A whole new world has been opened up to you now that we are poor."

!!!WARNING!!!THE FOLLOWING POST MAY BE SHOCKING TO MANY!!!

Yesterday I took the kids to the library. I am embarrassed to say that I have not been to the library in about 8 years. I didn't even have a library card. I was shocked to find out that you can rent movies and Cd's. I spent 2 hours there walking around finding out all the amazing things the library offers. Jackson was in the stroller and I just gave him a few books and pushed him around while Duke was in the baby Bjorn. (I was even breastfeeding in the baby Bjorn with my hands free to keep looking for books.) It was great! In the past I have put quite a dent in our pocket book by buying books and now I can just go to the library. When I got home with a huge bag of loot, I was excited to tell Josh about my adventure. In usual Josh style after I enthusiastically told him about my new revelation he replied, "A whole new world has been opened up to you now that we are poor. Great!"

Jackson "holding" Duke

Father's Day

I was worried when Father's day was coming because I had recently had Duke but I wanted to make the day special for Josh. My grandma and I decided that we would take pictures of the boys doing the stuff that daddy likes. Here are some of the photos that we put in a frame for Josh to take to his new job in November. Josh loved them!!!

My Boys

The Story Continues...

This morning Duke went back to the hospital to get his jaundice checked after a night on his "billy blanket. Which by the way is as loud as a vacuum and lights up half the room bright blue at night. After an agonizing two hour wait we found out that his count went down to 16.8. The doctor said that the was "guardedly optimistic", and that it was good enough for him to stay home another day. So, tomorrow we will return again to test him. Every time he is tested they have to poke him in the heal and squeeze his heal for drips of blood to fill up a little vial. Poor guy has had this test everyday since he was born and his little heals are so bruised now there is no more clean areas to test him.
Here are some photos of Duke after he was born and some pictures of him on his "billy blanket".

The Story of Duke

On Monday June 8th I had a doctor's appointment at 10:00 in the morning. At that appointment the doctor told me that I was now dilated to 3 cm and 75% effaced. At that time she "stripped my membranes". She told me that this usually doesn't put women in to labor, it just keeps them from going past their due date. So, after the appointment Jackson and I went home and went on a cleaning spree. I am not sure why because I honestly felt that the baby was not going to come for at least another 2 weeks. I cleaned all day and made dinner while Josh worked in the yard till about 8:30 because the weather was so nice. By bed time we were both so tired! I took a shower with Jackson and then got in bed around 9:00. Josh then took a shower, said his prayers and then reached to turn out the light. Literally the second after he turned out the light (he didn't even get to lay down) I said, "Turn on the light I think my water just broke!". Josh then reached back over to turn on the light as I hoped out of bed. The second I stood up there was a large gush of water. I couldn't believe it! We were both so exhausted and he wasn't supposed to come for another 3 weeks! That was 3 weeks of sleeping that I was going to miss...ahhhhhh. So then we called Nancy and Terry and they came down with Ashley to watch Jackson as we went to the hospital. When we got to the hospital I was still in no pain and my contractions weren't regular yet. They then told Josh and I to walk the halls for an hour to bring on the contractions. (I didn't know people still did that.) So as tired as we were we walked the halls from 11pm-12am. I then informed the nurse that I wasn't going to walk the halls anymore. Then they started the IV and the pitocin. They checked me around 6am and I was 5cm, then at 8am I was still 5cm and they said they thought that a part of the water bag was still around the baby's head keeping it from coming all the way down. They finished rupturing the rest of the bag and at 10:15am I was 10cm. I started to push and at 10:31am Duke James Perkins came in to this world. Oh! I forgot to tell the best part. The epidural worked this time and I pushed COMPLETELY PAIN FREE!!! I actually enjoyed pushing the baby out, it was just so easy this time! Everything went great at the hospital and we came home on Thursday afternoon.
THE NEXT CHAPTER...
When Duke and I were discharged from the hospital they were a little concerned about his weight loss and his jaundice which was at 9.3 (when we left). They let us go home but they said that I needed to make sure that he starts to gain weight and that we keep him in front of windows at much as we can to get rid of the jaundice. We then had to check in with the doctor on Friday.
FRIDAY...
At the doctor's office we found that Duke had lost even more weight and his jaundice had gone up to 14.3. They said I had one night to help him gain weight and we needed to return to have his weight checked on Saturday.
SATURDAY...
I went in exhausted from an all night feeding frenzy to fatten Duke up. It worked, he gained 1oz but that was enough to keep him. They decided to check his jaundice again and this time it went up again and it is now at 17.8. The doctor decided to send us home with a "billy blanket" that Duke has to sit in to get rid on the jaundice. Then we will have to return to the hospital on Sunday to get his levels checked again. If they have gone up then he will have to be admitted, if they have gone down then we will keep putting him on the blanket till he is okay. So we will see...tomarrow we might be separated for a while but we will come back together soon and everyone will be nice and healthy.
Please pray for our little Dukester.

Finally Head Down

Well, I know many of you were praying that the baby would move head down and he finally did! Tuesday I went to the OB and they did an ultrasound. The baby ended up being so far head down that they could barely get a picture of his face. It turns out that I am already 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced! I hope that means that it will be really soon. Josh and I have our last date night on Saturday so I am okay going in to labor any day after that. Next week I am just going to walk on the treadmill to try to push him out. As it turns out the court denied my request to be excused from jury duty. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?! So next Thursday I have to go to jury duty. Josh is hoping that I break my water right in the court room so I can say, "I told you so!" I on the other hand am hoping that doesn't happen because it is downtown and I don't think that I could drive my self all the way back to Scottsdale with out having the baby in the car. Needless to say now it is just a waiting game...

Dear Pregancy

Dear Pregnancy,
Well, it has been nine long months now and I can't decide if I love you or hate you. In the beginning you made me so sick I definitely hated you. Toward the middle I began to like you a little more. I was able to move around and I didn't feel so sick. Then just when I was warming up to you, you hit me with all you had. I have to say that I am sick of not sleeping though the night. I hate that I am constantly sweating because I can not get cool enough to stop. I hate that I can not see (or touch) my toes. My back hurts, I pee every five seconds, the nausea is back, my ankles take the definition of cankels to a whole new level, and I am as big as a whale! Most days I can't wait for you to leave ...but then for seconds, split moments I think that I might miss you. Not all the bad stuff but the few good things. There is something truly amazing about feeling a baby grow inside of you. You bond in a way that I can't put in to words. When the baby kicks me in the morning I usually say, "Good Morning". The kicking can become very annoying at times but if I go an hour or so with no kicks I will start poking my belly to feel him kick just to know that everything is okay. I do like laying in bed at the end of the day and lovingly stroking my belly and thinking about the little boy that is inside. Will he look like his brother? Will he sleep good? (Please yes!) Will he be strong and smart and love his Heavenly Father? So many questions, so much love. So in the end, I guess for the most part I will be happy to feel like my self again soon. But then again, I will miss always having a little friend with me, saying hello every once in a while and the excitement of wondering what is to come.
Till we meet again, (hopefully not too soon),
Candace

Bath Time

Jackson has been having a hard time taking baths so daddy made up a song and now they sing it together in the tub! Sooooo cute! Enjoy!

Josh's Graduation!!!

So, I don't know if you know this but my husband, well, he is kind of a big deal. Josh has now graduated with his masters in accounting. Many people yesterday asked him how long it has taken him and it has been 7 LONG years (2 years part-time and 5 years full-time). WE ARE ALL SO PROUD OF HIM!!! (Me most of all, I have no doubt that I am his biggest fan). Josh had is convocation ceremony yesterday. Commencement was on Wednesday (that is when that President guy spoke, you can imagine that we SOMEHOW found something better to do). I will choose to stop my comments there because this entry is about Josh and not about how much I thought that man's speech was a slap in the face to Josh's hard work. Anyway...we woke up bright and early to get to the stadium by 8:oo am. The ceremony started at 9:00. As I sat in the stadium with Jackson before the ceremony started, I cried. (I hoped that people just thought it was a hormones). I was just overwhelmed by what it had taken Josh and I to get to this day and I was so happy. For just a molment I will really brag about Josh because; I am his biggest fan, and he would never tell you himself; he did awsome in all his classes. Josh didn't just do the master's program he threw it down! Over the past year Josh has gotten amazing grades in addition to working as a plumber and dealing with a two year old and a hormonal pregnant wife. I took video of Josh walking, it is far away and kind of hard to hear but for those who couldn't be there I thought it would be nice to see.

Here are some photos taken in the blazing Arizona sun...why do we live here?
Here is our little family. (I thought I was looking pretty good for being due in 5 weeks, but this picture shows that I am clearly mistaken).
This is the whole family that went to the graduation and endured the two hours of names being called just to hear the one that was the best. Go Joshua Adam Perkins!!!Of course, Josh's parents, they may think they are Josh's biggest fans. They can join Josh's fan club but I still get to be president.

Josh and I are so thankful to all that showed up to show thier support yesturday. Many of you have helped us get through the last 7 years to get where we are now and we thank you all!

Still Transverse

Well, I had another OB visit and yes the baby is still transverse. I am convinced that he just likes where he is. I have to say that I am now starting to get a little nervous. I really don't want to have a c-section. I guess we don't always get what we want though. There are some days that I think, "Oh, my goodness I have soooo much longer" and then other days I think, "I am so scared the baby is going to be here so soon and I still have so much to do." At least I will be busy...really busy. Josh graduates in two weeks! With that comes a lot of busy work. Then we need to get the new nursery ready and Jackson's room put together with his new big boy furniture. So I guess whether I want it or not it will be here soon, or not soon enough.

We Have A Name!!!

Finally, we have a name! We spent a lot of time last Saturday going though the books again and we finally found one. We are smart this time though no one will hear it till he comes out. Then (hopefully) if people don't like it they are going to have to tell him, and I am thinking that he will be too adorable to say anything negative to. Yea!!!

Think Head Down Thoughts...

So, if you are keeping track I have about 9 weeks left before this baby (no name yet) will be here. I went to my regular OB visit this week and I have to say that a part of me knew that this was coming... When I was pregnant with Jackson he moved in to the head down position when I was in my second trimester. I knew he was head down not only because I could feel is feet in my ribs but his head felt like it was about ready to pop out. Well, with this baby I knew right where he is. I can feel kicks and punches only on the sides of my stomach and I can actually breathe because he is not crowding my lung space. In the back of my mind I was thinking before I went to my appointment, "I wonder if he should have moved by now?" I went to see my doctor and she looked and around and confirmed that this little gremlin is still lying sideways. She said that we will give him 3 more weeks and if he hasn't moved by then we will try a version.

This explains that:
External cephalic version, or version, is a procedure used to turn a fetus from a breech position or side-lying (transverse) position into a head-down (vertex) position before labor begins. When successful, version makes it possible for you to try a vaginal birth.

Version is done most often before labor begins, generally around 36 to 37 weeks. Version is sometimes used during labor before the amniotic sac has ruptured. This can be a good time to use version, when labor is constantly monitored and a cesarean delivery (C-section) can be done right away if necessary. But the chance to do the version can be lost if labor speeds up or the amniotic sac ruptures.

A scheduled cesarean is used to deliver most breech births if a version doesn't work. 1 But trying a version at 36 or more completed weeks of pregnancy may increase your chances of being able to deliver vaginally. 2

Before the version attempt, you may be given an injection of tocolytic medication to relax the uterus and prevent uterine contractions. The most commonly used tocolytic medication is terbutaline.

While the uterus is relaxed, your doctor will attempt to turn the fetus. With both hands on the surface of your abdomen-one by the fetus's head and the other by the buttocks-the doctor pushes and rolls the fetus to a head-down position. You may feel discomfort during a version procedure, especially if it causes the uterus to contract. The amount of discomfort depends on how sensitive your abdomen is and how hard the doctor presses on your abdomen during the version attempt. If your fetus appears to be in distress, as shown by a sudden drop in heart rate, the procedure is stopped.

So...I will return to the doctor in 2 weeks and we will see where the baby is. I can tell you now that it has been one week since that appointment and he is still sideways. Ahhh, I guess all we can do is think head down thoughts.

The Pen

The day after we got home from my parents house in North Carolina I was rushing around the house to catch up on things that I had missed while I was gone. I put on Sesame Street for Jackson and I went to the back to put some laundry away. I came back out and sat down on the couch to fold some more laundry and that is when I saw it. Out of the corner of my eye I could see something black, something black on my brown couch. I slowly turned my head to find that Jackson had practiced his circles with a pen on our couch. My eyes went wide, all I could say was, "Time out" and then "Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!". That is when all the pregnancy hormones overflowed and I began to cry. I didn't know what else to do. Jackson walked straight to time out and then started to cry because I was crying and kept saying, "I'm sorry mommy, I'm sorry mommy." I was still in shock and was frozen staring at the couch. Now I know that although this was the first time something in our house was maimed by my child it will not be the last, but the first time is always hard. Luckily, when we bought the couch we bought a fabric protection plan and someone is going to come out and clean it. Needless to say all the pens in the house are very high up now.

The Change...

So, I have decided that something happens around the age of 2. All of the sudden my sweet, loving, calm child turns in to a gremlin. Yes I said a gremlin. Everything is, "No, I'll do it!", "No mommy!", and anything else that starts with no. Now, I don't want my child to be afraid of me, but I do want him to listen and be a little worried about what would happen if he disobeyed. Today when I put him in time out, he laughed, HE LAUGHED!!! AHHHHHH!!!! I don't think I have ever been so frustrated. So I took the time out mat that is in the nice living room, and put it in his dark bedroom and shut the door. The laughing stopped. He cried for 2 minutes then counted to 10 and then said he was sorry, just like we have been trying to teach him. Maybe this will start to work. It is just so sad I have days where I just love being mother to my sweet little boy and I wish that I never had to go to work. THEN...the next day I swear I am going to pull out all my hair and put him in the outside kennel with Paca, and I can't wait to go to work to get a break. Wow, this parenting thing is pretty hard...why am I pregnant again?

Four nights later...

All I can say is that I am exhausted! The first night was just too good to be true. It has only gone downhill since then. I keep asking my self why I am subjecting my self to this so soon to pulling all nighters with the new baby. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Last night I finally broke down and cried. I felt like a new mother again and that I had no idea what I was doing. Okay this is what happened.
The second night:
I put Jackson down and he got out of bed five times. On the fifth time we finally decided to lock the door. I sat on the couch crying sure that Jackson was thinking horrible things about his mommy as he cried in his room. As soon as it was quiet I unlocked to door and went in and he had crawled back in bed and was asleep. We left the door unlocked and went to bed and Jackson never got up till the morning. (Which was around 6:10 when he usually sleeps in till about 8:00)
The third night:
I put Jackson down and he got up three times and then I decided to lock the door again. Again I was upset on the couch but he was asleep about 15 min after I locked the door. I went in again and he was in bed and I tucked him in and left the door unlocked. He slept through the night again but got up around 6:15 again.
The fourth night:
Josh took his turn putting Jackson down. (He is much nicer than I am, as most of you know.) He asked Jackson if he would stay in bed if he left the door open. Jackson got out of bed twice but daddy stayed in the hallway and gave him a stern point back to the bed and he went to bed and stayed!?! WHAT!?! (This made me feel like crap-I could have just left the door open instead of locking it and he would have stayed?) Again, daddy wins the parenting award for the week. Or does he?... Josh then went to go play basketball and came in around 11:30 I warned him when he came in that he should be so quiet and pray that he doesn't wake him up. As soon as Josh turns out the light we had a little visitor in our room. The visitor must have really liked us because he made 3 more repeat appearances that night. The final visit was at 5:00 about 20 min before I had to get up for work. Again, I cried. (It turns out that being 6 months pregnant, working 10 hour days at the office and then another hour and half at the gym and then training your toddler to sleep in a bed all at the same time does not really go together.) When I got to work I texted Josh and told him that I thought we needed to lock the door all night tonight to keep him from waking up to a crazy pregnant lady tomorrow. I was glad that he approved. So parents of the year we may not be but at least we a finding ways not to completely lose our minds. Just when you think, yes I have the parenting thing under control they throw another curve ball at you. AHHHHHHHH!!! There should be a warning label that comes with kids....
WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. AT LOT HARDER THAN IT LOOKS. THEY PROBABLY WON'T LIKE YOU A LOT OF THE TIME. YOU WILL CRY A LOT. SCREW UP A LOT. AND JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THEM...THEY SURPRISE YOU...YOU CANT. GOOD LUCK!

The First Night...

Jackson got a big boy bed for his 2nd Birthday with an awesome basketball comforter. While we were setting up the bed he kept climbing all over it. As soon as it was all put together he wanted to climb on the top and look at all the basketball things on the quit. He kept jumping up and down saying, "Excited, excited!". We were happy for Jackson but we were both a little nervous. With the baby coming in a few months we know that we are going to be suffering in the sleep area again soon and we thought by putting Jackson in the big boy bed that we were just starting our sleep deprivation early. When it came time for bed we said prayers by the bed (pleading with Heavenly Father to help him stay in bed) and then we tucked him in. Daddy stayed in the room for a few minutes to make sure that Jackson was settled and then he just said goodnight and walked out. We came in our room and waited, and waited, and waited...nothing. So we went to bed. I woke up about 3 in the morning worried that his new pillow had suffocated him and that was why he had not come in yet, but no he was alive and sleeping. Then the morning came, I heard him wake up about 7:3o and talk to him self for a few minutes and then I heard his door open. He was up. He came in to my room and of course said, "Watch Elmo?" I couldn't believe we had made it. The first night was a wonderful success...I will let you know how night #2 goes. ...

Jackson's Family Party

Jackson is having his party on Saturday, but on his real birthday the three of us (not for long!) had just a family birthday party. I made cupcakes for Jackson and daddy and we sang happy birthday and opened presents. He really was excited all day long, he kept saying, "Happy Birthday Jackson?". I let him know it really was a special day because that was the only day that mommy would give him an entire cupcake to himself. (I am always afraid of giving him too much sugar so he always gets half a cookie, or whatever treat he is having...I know I am mean.) All in all I think he had a good day and I think that on Saturday he will have even more fun. He did get an Elmo potty training book which we are hoping really pushes him to learn. I am not looking forward to two in diapers, so Jackson has got to get this down pretty quickly!

So as it turns out just about everyone hates the name Lucas. I have learned my lesson, next kid we have no one will know the name till it pops out! So I am not saying the Lucas is off the table, but I am saying that we are not sure now. So we are open to suggestions. Just nothing that starts with a P. I don't want his initials to be PP (peepee). In other news...I just got my results from my national certification for aerobics and I passed! Sooooo much studying and a full day of practical and written exams, (while I was 5 months pregnant) payed off. This now means that I can teach at any gym in the country and get paid more because I am certified. Yeah! It is so amazing that fitness has become such a big part of my life when I used to hate working out. It is funny where life takes you. All I know is that I am a whole lot happier in this career than others I have tried (and my husband is happier with a healthier wife and one that is in better shape.) More posts soon...it is almost Jackson's birthday. Two years! Can you believe it?!

Phoenix Children's Museum

What a day! On Saturday it was free day at Phoenix Children's Museum so we decided to make a day of it and we took Jackson. He had such a great time.

He rode a motorcycle...
He did a little cooking...
He went on lots of slides (which are his favorite)...
Got in a fight with a little girl because she wanted to push it the opposite way Jackson did...
Last but not least he got to meet Elmo. He was so exited to meet Elmo until he got close to him and then all the sudden he was terrified
All in all it was a pretty good/long day.

A week later....

Okay, so it has been about a week since I found out that I am having another boy. I am starting to get used to the idea and a LOT of people have been giving me their opinion on the situation. My bishop even said how excited he was that we were adding to our basketball team. (Josh is the coach of the young men's team in our ward.) Yesterday as I was putting Jackson down for his nap and I was rubbing his belly singing, "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star", the baby kicked me and I thought...awwwhh how I love my boys. I actually think that if I went to the doctor next week and they told me that they had made a mistake I would be sad. I like the thought of "MY boys". I am excited now to see if this baby will come out looking like Jackson with blond hair and blue eyes, or look like me and be a brunette with brown eyes. Ahhh, the waiting game, I can't believe that I have 5 more months. Ahhh. I guess this would be a good time to announce that we have decided to name the next boy....drum roll...Lucas ____ Perkins. (Middle name is still under negotiation.) Jackson can already say it too...Baby Lucas?... and he points to mommy's belly. Awwwh, my boys.

Another penis??? Are you kidding me???

Okay, first off please don't think that I am a terrible person. I have spent the last 5 months thinking (and praying) that I was having a girl. My father in law even had a dream that it was a girl, so I have been so excited for today to find out that yes in fact I was having a girl. Well...NO! I am having another BOY. Don't get me wrong, I have a darling boy but I wanted a girl next. Now I am terrified that we will just keep having boys because that is all Josh can make (and wants) and I am going to be stuck in a house full of smelly boys! AHHHHHHH! As we went in to the ultrasound I was feeling hopeful. I asked the ultrasound tech not to just spring it on be but to tell us that she was ready, let me take a breath and then tell us the sex. She just turned the screen towards me and asked me what I thought it was. Of course up close and center there was a penis. I swear I don't want to see another penis for at least a week. (Sorry, Josh that means you too.) Josh was so happy, he said, "All right!", and then he kept tickling me. I HATE TO BE TICKLED! Finally I just looked at him in all my emotional glory and said, "Just Shut up!" So then he went straight to his phone and started texting the world about how happy he was. AHHHHHH! As I laid there while the ultrasound tech went over the rest of the anatomy I kept taking deep breaths willing the tears back.
Okay, now that I got all that out. Let me reassure you that I love my husband and my son (despite their anatomy) and I will love the next one also, but I just need a few days to grieve for the loss of my imaginary daughter.

Some Things I love...

I was sitting in my car today driving home from work...in silence (ahhhhhh) and I was thinking about some things that I just love and that bring me all the happiness in this life and I thought I would share them (in no particular order).

• Silence
  
• A good book
• Giving Jackson the beaters from cookie dough for the first time and hearing him say, "mmmmm"
• Watching my husband play with my son
• Watching my son look at his dad watching basketball and say what ever daddy says, "Oh, nice" (that one is my favorite)
• At the end of the day when I am so tired, seeing my son go get daddy's scriptures and bring them to us to read
• An Arizona day right as the sun is setting and the sky is full of pink and blue and yellow, wow! it is just beautiful
  
• Seeing how much my son loves his mommy and daddy. He won't ever say a prayer or start playing a game until BOTH daddy and mommy are there
• Flannel sheets in the winter
• Origins face lotion (I swear they put crack in it, you can't stop it once you start)
• Watching Jackson sing Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam and jumping high on the beam part and feeling the spirit so strong every time I choke back tears
• How I feel after a really great workout
• Going on a date with my husband especially when he wears cologne (that hardly ever happens)
• Feeling a baby grow and kick inside me
• When I lay Jackson down at night and he puts up one chubby finger and says, "wait mommy, wait one minute." (I fold every time)
• On Sunday when Josh is passing the sacrament and Jackson always says, "daddy, daddy, daddy" and follows him with his finger around the room. ( I should tell him to be quiet but I just love that he likes to watch his daddy)
• The thought that Jackson knew the baby that is on the way in heaven and that they will get to see each other again soon
• CHOCOLATE
• BROWNIES!!!!
• A really hot shower, so hot that when I get out all my skin is red and all the mirrors are fogged up
• Having such an amazing husband that honors his priesthood, works relentlessly for his family, ALWAYS makes me laugh and loves being a dad
• Having a blue eyed, blond haired baby that looks just like his daddy
• Going on weekly walks with my family
• Feeling so much love I feel like my heart will literally explode if I love anymore

I could go on a lot longer but the two people who read my blog might be getting sleepy so I will stop here.